I’ve been unmotivated for a while to do things that mean that I might get better and be happier.
That sounds weird, right? I guess it is but the truth is that I’m scared of doing new things. One example is applying for new jobs. It doesn’t feel as daunting since most places I’ve applied to have straight up ignored my email but it still took courage for me to apply because what if they had told me to come for an interview? That’s scary in itself but if I got the job, I would have to go to a new place, meet new people etc. etc. It would just all be new and scary… so I avoid doing it.
I even contemplated going to the gym which would be good for me but I’m scared to go through with it because I will be going by myself. I’ll have to be in the women’s changing rooms which doesn’t matter so much since I still “look” like a girl but I’ll probably feel awkward. And also I’ll have to pay for it. I think I would have enough money but because I don’t have a job, I worry a lot about spending money for some irrational reason. I still live with my parents so it’s not like I have to pay rent or anything…
But anyway, the point I’m making is that I rely on fictional characters a lot to help me feel better. I find comfort in fictional worlds and their characters, especially ones that I have been a fan of for a long, long time. My main fandoms are Harry Potter, Professor Layton, and Doctor Who. I have other games/shows/books I enjoy but these fictional worlds have been in my life for a long time now and I have a strong connection with them.
I think it helps when I’m feeling lonely. If I feel worried that my friends don’t want to talk to me (most of the time it’s irrational but I feel it a lot), I can turn to the Doctor or Hershel Layton or Hermione Granger to make me feel better. At the moment, I am currently obsessed with the Professor Layton games. Yes, it’s a puzzle game but the story within that is just so amazing, I can’t explain it. I’ve been a fan of the games since I was 10/11 I think and now I’m 19 so, even if I don’t play the games for a long time, they have a special place in my heart and I can come back to them like I’ve never left.
It’s the same with Harry Potter, of course, but I’m listening to them on Audible and it’s sometimes tricky to find a time to listen to the books. But when I do listen to them, I feel like I’m in their world with them. I sometimes feel lonely and a longing to have friends like Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Or maybe I already do and I just don’t realise it because we’re not all at Hogwarts together.
I have only been a fan of Doctor Who for a year since my friend told me to watch them but I think they’re amazing and I wish the Doctor was real and I could travel with them… I can relate to the Doctor a lot as they are lonely and they have people in their lives and they want them to stay forever but they know they can’t and they lose people they care about over again… My life isn’t as extreme as that but I do feel the Doctor’s loneliness and I wish I could hug them.
I have a feeling I’m not the only one who uses fictional characters to make them feel better. Maybe there are other characters I haven’t mentioned that help you. Let me know.