Coming into spring

This winter has felt very long. Or at least the amount of time I’ve had to wear at least a jumper has been very long.

I never knew what my favourite season was so I just used to say it was autumn because it wasn’t too hot or too cold and the leaves were pretty when they turned to oranges and browns. But the autumn is still cold and days become shorter and I’ve come to realise, I don’t like that at all.

I used to think I had seasonal depression because I didn’t like the winter because of the cold and short days. But I feel depressed regardless of the seasons. I think it gets worse in the winter. However, I don’t tend to keep score of how bad it gets so I can’t be sure.

Today is the first day I can wear a t shirt around the house. Granted, I was a little cold but I refused to wear a jumper/sweatshirt because it is finally getting warmer. The sun sets a lot later now which I am grateful for. Even though I don’t leave the house often, it feels like the days are getting longer.

The clocks go forward an hour in 10 days for our daylight saving time/British summer time so it means we get more daylight and I am happy about that.

Before, I would get excited about the summer as it is a holiday from school and the days are bright and it’s warm and I could do anything I wanted. But I ended up just feeling lonely and playing Animal Crossing and watching YouTube all day and occasionally going to a friend’s house if they weren’t busy. Oh, and my birthday. That day was good because my friends came but after I left school, I stopped inviting them so no more friends for me.

But now, I finally have things to look forward to. More this year than maybe ever in my life (dramatic but I do believe that). I have my trans group to go to which is every month anyway but still… I’m going to go to a circuit training group with the same people every week too. I have one friend who I met because of that group who I can see over the summer. And trans pride in Brighton!!! It will be my second time this year and I’m sure I’ll love it this time too.

Maybe I’ll find a job too. I hope so…

I’m scared of being hopeful that this year will be better than the last because I’ve been let down before. But I’ll see how this goes

Ellis

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